


what would I do if you weren't there? (but you are)

by MayBeBrilliant



Series: Birthdays of S.H.I.E.L.D. [3]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: A lot - Freeform, And Hunter worries, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Bobbi gets hurt, Bobbi is alright, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Fights, Marriage Proposal, birthday fic, but it's alright, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:48:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28691190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayBeBrilliant/pseuds/MayBeBrilliant
Summary: Bobbi and Hunter are having a rare day off, just enjoying it and watching movies. Until they inevitably end up fighting, and Bobbi storms away. But anything can happen out there, and she gets hurt.Happiness and proposals follow. (After the angst of course ;)
Relationships: Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse
Series: Birthdays of S.H.I.E.L.D. [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2040905
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	what would I do if you weren't there? (but you are)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the9muses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the9muses/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY Q!!!
> 
> Since those first weeks when we commented on each other's stuff and you left me anon asks, (lol remember that?) you've made me laugh and smile a whole lot more than I would've if I hadn't known you. You're hilarious, and lovely, and talented, and I'm so honoured to call you my friend. I hope your birthday is absolutely fab, and that you get to do whatever you want xD. 
> 
> So, about the fic. Part of the original idea came from my sister [leahnonsense](https://leahnonsense.tumblr.com) on Tumblr, and then it spiraled from there. Again, millions of thanks to would-die-for-fitzsimmons for beta-ing this for me. I remembered you saying you loved Huntingbird and hurt/comfort, so, well, that's what you're getting! I hope you enjoy it <333

* * *

It was a rare day off for Hunter and Bobbi. (Rare, the last one having been a few months ago.) True to form, they were spending it lazing about on the couches in the Playground, drinking beer and generally relaxing.

Almost everyone else was away, on missions or busy in the lab, in Fitz and Jemma’s case. They had a few hours to themselves, and nothing planned. Well, nothing but being in each other's company and relaxing.

They’d been idly chatting about this and that for half an hour, when Hunter suggested they watch something. Bobbi agreed, and they set about trying to figure out what they wanted to see.

“I say we should watch The Orient Express. It’s really good Hunter, you’ll like it.” Bobbi said.

“Alright then, we can try that.” he nodded amiably, slinging his arm over Bobbi’s shoulder as she started the movie. She snuggled into his side contentedly, marvelling that they were agreeing so easily. Normally they'd already have fought.

As the movie progressed, Hunter moved so that his head was pillowed in her lap, her fingers gently combing through his hair. They'd built a nest of blankets and pillows around them, a barrier to the business of the outside world. In here it was just the two of them and a really good movie, Hunter jumping at all the tense parts and making his girlfriend laugh and roll her eyes fondly.

When they'd finished the movie, neither of them felt ready to leave the warm coziness of the couch yet. They decided on watching another one, as they had time and Hunter had loved this one.

Hunter got up for a minute to make popcorn while Bobbi swiped through Netflix, looking for something else to watch. Hunter came back after a short while and set down the large bowl, taking the remote from Bobbi and eating a handful of the popcorn. He pulled a face at the taste, and took another handful.

"I think we should watch one of the old James Bond movies, they're ridiculous and fun." he told his girlfriend.

She frowned. "Really, Hunter? That misogynistic crap?" she asked. She might have been overreacting, but she was annoyed that he'd grabbed the remote without asking her. And, she couldn't watch those movies, it grated on her nerves. She hadn't told Hunter that.

"I only wanted to watch it because of the stupid fights, I didn't think you'd be so shitty about it." Hunter drawled.

"Oh, because stupid fight scenes make up for a borderline racist, sexist movie?" Bobbi shot back, standing up. She should've known that they would fight, after all it was too good to last.

Hunter got up as well, the popcorn lying forgotten on the table. "You'd know about that I suppose." he riled, lowering his eyebrows.

"What's that even supposed to mean?!" Bobbi asked, voice raised. She put her hands on her hips, glaring at him.

Unperturbed, Hunter glared right back. "It's supposed to mean that you've faced enough of that in your life to suddenly be an expert?" he needled.

Bobbi threw her hands up. "Yes, believe it or not my life hasn't just been sunshine and rainbows. Just because you're a white man who's never faced anything like that before, doesn't mean people don't see it, every day!" she retorted, almost yelling now.

"Oh, so you think I've never faced bad things in my life?" he asked angrily. "And that's not even what I meant, Bobbi."

"Oh sure that's not what you meant." Bobbi nodded sarcastically. "You just said that by accident? Come on, Hunter, we both know you don't say things if you don't mean them."

"Like you never do things by accident? That why you told me, and I quote, _I should never have done this?_ When talking about our _marriage_?"

Bobbi took a deep breath, delivering her next line in a cutting tone. "Don't bring our relationship into this, alright? Although in hindsight, I should've known you'd bitch about it later."

"Is that really what you think, that I did it just to be shitty about it afterwards? Do you even _listen_ to yourself? Oh of course you do, you were raised to think you were the best, weren't you?" Hunter retorted, sneering.

Bobbi went still. "You know nothing about my childhood, _Lance_. Although I suppose you had it so much worse, you always tell people to get attention, don't you?"

"Your attention maybe! Though see where _that_ got me." Hunter snarled.

Bobbi took out the Franny's Saloon keychain and held it up. "See this? This is what you gave me, to tell me that you loved me and we'd never be parted. Pity about that, you never keep your promises, do you?" she hissed furiously.

Hunter clenched his fists. "If I remember correctly, I wasn't the only one to promise, at our wedding."

"Empty promises, sure. We both know those words meant basically nothing, they weren't even our own." Bobbi snapped.

"Well excuse me for thinking you meant what you said at your _wedding_!" Hunter yelled. "But you never mean what you say, do you, you're always lying."

Bobbi screamed right back at him, grabbing fistfuls of her hair in frustration. "It's part of a spy's _job_ , Hunter! How many times do I have to tell you?"

"One more, at least, until I understand why you can't even be honest with _me_!" Hunter sniped back, enraged.

"Should I trust you because you're so special, because you've fucked me? Is that really all that men think about?" Bobbi grated out.

Hunter threw out his hands, disbelieving. "How the hell can you even think that, Bobbi?! Are you _so_ paranoid that you'll let somebody in, like last time? You know how well that ended for both of us."

She threw the remote at his head. "It _ended_ because we had different views, not because of so-called _paranoia_." Bobbi snarled.

Hunter cursed, rubbing at his head. "Really? Or was it because your work was so much more important than me, like it always is?" he growled, picking up the remote and slamming it down on the table.

Bobbi glared at him, incensed. "My _work_ is _saving the world_ , one step at a time. I guess you know nothing about that, you only ever think about _yourself_." she laughed bitterly.

"Oh, and you don't? You've always pushed people out, Bobbi, because they're just not important enough to you." Hunter spat.

She punched the wall, breathing heavily. "What the fuck, Hunter. I push people away because that's safer, not because they're not important! I thought you knew at least _something_ about me." Bobbi said harshly.

"I know too much about you." Hunter, too mad to see reason, continued. "Like how everyone who loves you gets hurt in some way."

Bobbi froze. Her eyes hardened, cold as ice. Then, she threw the keychain at Hunter as hard as she could. Only his army reflexes allowed him to catch it. "Take it." she spat. "And don't bother bringing it back." She spun on her heel, leaving Hunter holding the keychain, knowing he'd gone too far, but too angry to be sorry about it.

With that, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut with a crushing finality.

\---

Bobbi marched through the base, her blood boiling. Jemma spotted her and was about to ask something, but must have seen the murderous look on her face. She wisely retreated, closing the lab's doors.

Still seething, Bobbi walked out of the Playground, away from everyone. She needed the fresh air. What right did Hunter have to tell her everyone she loved got hurt? It made her furious, but more than that, it _hurt_ , because it was true.

Once outside she took several deep, calming breaths. Why did it always work like this? They started arguing about something stupid, and it escalated from there. He'd said some awful things, but so had she. Bobbi almost marveled at the breathtaking cruelty with which they could treat each other.

She should go and apologise. She hadn't meant any of the things she said, not really. Well, she _had_ , but she hadn't meant to say them like that. Her fury had blinded her, taking over as it did so often with Hunter.

She should go and apologise.

And she would, but not right now. The wounds were still too fresh, roiling on the surface of her mind. She needed time alone to think over everything they'd said. She glanced up at the sun, which was starting to set behind the buildings. Unfamiliar buildings. Unknowingly, she'd come out much farther than she'd realised, not paying attention.

It was so unlike her, but Hunter had ways of bringing emotions up in her that _she_ hadn't even known she was capable of feeling. She was usually so clear headed, coolly thinking every thought through to judge the best outcome. With Hunter, all that careful preparation went to the wind, she charged in head-first into whatever situation had him involved in it.

Like now, for instance. There was a reason she shouldn't be out here alone, but the red mist in her mind made it impossible to think properly. There was something…

Too late, she remembered what Coulson had said about going out alone without cover. Too late, she saw several shadows detach themselves from a nearby wall. Too late, she realised that in her fury, she'd left without a gun, or even her batons.

She took in the scene in a heartbeat, eyes flickering, anger forgotten for the moment. Seven figures, clad in dark material, their faces covered, surrounded her. They all had guns, and from the look of it, were professionals. Definitely assassins, judging by the clothes and make of their weapons.

Seven. Surely she'd faced worse odds, but she struggled to think what they'd been right now. She could take seven of these masked assailants, even without her batons. She was _the_ _Mockingbird_ , she could do this.

Taking a deep breath, Bobbi moved. Sliding low under one assassin's legs, she hit him on the nerve cluster behind the knee, sending him unconscious with a well-aimed kick to his head. Reacting fast, she grabbed his gun and held the body up as a shield in front of her.

She shot out from behind it, slowly retreating backwards to a wall. An assassin fell, hit in the chest. His comrades moved to cover for him, standing in a line and advancing on the lone figure.

Two down, five to go. Bobbi loosed several more shots, quickly realising the gun was empty. In the confusion her shots had caused she threw away the gun, ducked and rolled. Grabbing another gun from the body on the floor, she shot one more assailant, hearing him fall with a thud.

Reaching the wall, she squatted down behind it, shooting over the top. She even had time to think _I am not throwing away my shot_ , internally shaking her head at herself, laughing slightly hysterically at the influence Daisy had on her.

A few more rapid shots, the gunfire blurring in with the violent beating of her heart, and there were only two of the masked figures left. They were also behind walls, so Bobbi knew she couldn't stay here. In a lull in the fighting, she reloaded her gun. She needed a plan.

Thinking furiously for a second, she summed up her situation. Her, one round of bullets, and possibly more guns lying out on the open. Two professional assassins, each with a lot of ammunition, knowing why they were here. They must have been sent to kill her, she surmised. And whoever had sent them was taking no chances. She had to do something completely unexpected.

Suddenly a terrible, possibly fatal plan came to her. It was the best she had though, she would have to go through with it.

She took a deep, bolstering breath, counting to five in her head. Checked her gun and wiped blood from a cut on her cheek.

Then she _ran_ , out from behind the wall, snagging an extra pistol on her way past. It was pure luck that saved her from the bullets, and maybe bad aim. Leaping up on the bonnet of a nearby car, she threw herself off into a backflip, loosing two shots in mid-air. They found their mark.

Needless to say, it was unexpected.

Bobbi landed in a crouch, flipping her hair over her shoulders in a signature Black Widow move. She stood up slowly, looking around to see if there were any more assassins. All seven of them lay prone on the ground. Wincing, she touched a cut on her leg. Despite that, she felt a rush of triumph and adrenaline sing through her veins.

At least until the shots impacted.

One hit her in the side, just below her heart, and the other in her shoulder. She felt both penetrate, as if in slow motion, felt them lodge deep in her. In a daze, she looked around, surveying the battle ground. All the assassins were lying on the ground, lifeless. Except for one masked figure moving on the ground, raising his gun for another shot. Hers rang out first, stopping him cold.

Bobbi sank to the ground, pain flaring in every nerve ending, ears ringing.

Dimly, as if from the bottom of a well, she imagined she could hear somebody calling her name. As her vision started to fade, she saw another shape coming toward her. She should get up, fight…but she didn't have the strength. As the person came closer and closer, through her distorted vision she thought it looked like Hunter.

Hunter. She'd never gotten the chance to apologise to him, to tell him she still loved him. She was going to die keeping that inside her, with him angry at her. There was so much she needed to tell him, ask him, and now she couldn't. Fragmented images from their life together flashed through her mind like a shoal of minnows, their sharp, gleaming edges scoring wounds, taunting her with what could have been. So much time together, and this was how she would go out. Shot by somebody who's face she had never even seen. The notion brought frustrated tears to her eyes, but maybe those were from the pain.

She collapsed fully just as the figure reached her, touching her cheek with a desperate gentleness. It _was_ Hunter. She wanted to tell him everything that had just flitted through her mind, but she was out of time, and she doubted she could talk anyway.

Her eyes finally closed, and she sagged back into Hunter's arms, unmoving.

\---

Two hours earlier:

Hunter went down to the basement, rage simmering low in his gut. He needed to let out some energy, release the tension fighting with Bobbi had caused.

In that vein he put up a punching bag, pouring all his fury and frustration into his hits. Why did this _always_ happen, he thought angrily. What was it about Bobbi that made him lose his head completely, forget all rational thought? She was so infuriating, with her sarcasm and her impeccable points, practiced over the years to cut him the deepest.

How the bloody hell had it come to the point that they knew each other so well, were so capable of hurting each other? He’d given her that power along with his heart, an impulsive but unstoppable decision.

His vision obscured by anger, he punched harder, faster, not realising how much he was exhausting himself. The sharp stab of pain in his knuckles, somehow so much more bearable than that in his mind, brought him out of his daze. He looked down at his bloody hands, slowing down his breathing.

It helped, it always did to let out his feelings on something physical. Now he had some pain to concentrate on that he could actually _deal_ with, instead of whatever confusing mess his emotions were at the moment. He bandaged his hands, the motions familiar. He felt better, albeit completely drained. He should go apologise to Bobbi, he hadn’t meant what he’d said. He would just sit for a minute, everything would be fine.

And yet...something was off. Bobbi would go out to clear her mind, she always did. (He shook his head at how well he knew the patterns of their arguments, down to the smallest detail.) She would probably stay out while he worked off his frustrations inside, thus they could avoid each other. It worked for him, he didn’t want to see her when they were fighting.

But she’d been out for too long. Normally she would stay away for about forty-five minutes, then come back and do some intensive sparring, and ignore him for the rest of the day.

She’d been gone for an hour and a half.

Suddenly he got a falling feeling in his stomach, dread sending bile to his mouth. He knew, with a horrible kind of certainty, that something was wrong. He felt it without a hint of doubt. Bobbi was in danger.

He grabbed his gun with a sudden sense of urgency. Racing out of the basement and past the lab, he reached the doors. Once he was out in the fresh air, he looked around in a panic. Where would Bobbi have gone?

Not toward the bustle of the city, surely. She always needed quiet to think. Maybe she’d gone more in the direction of the less busy part of the city, where people wouldn’t bother her.

Except that they would. That district was notoriously a bad area, and she shouldn’t be out there without backup. Not that she couldn’t take care of herself, but anything could happen out there.

Hunter started to jog, hand straying to the gun in his waistband. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was horribly wrong, that something had happened to Bobbi.

Then he heard the gunshots. Fear froze him for a moment, and then he started to run. Panic filled him up like icy water, lending speed to his heels. What if she was hurt? Or worse-

No, he couldn’t think about that. He had to get there in time, had to help her. (He was sure it was Bobbi, who else would it be?) He forgot his anger as he ran, focusing completely on the task at hand, breath coming in controlled spurts. As he neared what had to be the attack sight, he broke one of the first rules of combat.

“Bobbi!” he yelled.

No answer, except for two gunshots in close succession, then one more.

That scared him the most. If she was alright, she would yell at him to shut up, or maybe swear. At least something. The silence was the worst possible thing at the moment. It meant that she wouldn't or _couldn’t_ respond.

Hunter rounded a corner onto the scene, and for a second his heart soared with relief. There were seven dark-clothed figures lying on the ground, none of them moving, with Bobbi standing, faced away from him. She’d done it. She was fine. He closed his eyes for a second, immeasurably grateful.

Then she collapsed, and he saw the two holes evident on the back of her shirt, slowly leaking scarlet blood like small waterfalls.

He saw her fall as if in slow motion, registering the wounds too late. Time stood still as he watched with a horrified fascination. All sounds ceased, the only thing he could focus on was Bobbi.

Then the sound came rushing back with sudden, awful clarity. He snapped out of it, screaming her name in desperation, and sprinted over to her side just in time to catch her. Bobbi’s fingers stirred weakly, and her mouth moved as if she wanted to tell him something. But before she could get any words out, her eyes rolled back in her head and her hand dropped, limp.

Hunter was left holding the body of the woman he loved, clinging to the hope of the faint, barely-there breaths raising her chest. His heart shattered a more with every exhalation, and it was all he could do to hold on and call for medical help.

“I’ve got you, Bob.” he whispered, brushing aside her bloody hair with a shaking hand. “Hold on for me, okay? Just hold on.”

\---

When Bobbi woke up, bright, harsh light was the first thing she noticed, spilling out from a ceiling light, illuminating the hospital equipment all around her. Alive, then, and being taken care of. Huh. That was a surprise.

The second was the pain. Originating from the two bullet wounds, which were now bandaged, it throbbed and pulsed just under her skin like a sleeping dragon. She assumed she must be under painkillers, for it to be manageable. When she moved her arm, it flared to life, making her wince and clench her teeth, unable to fully suppress her whimper.

The third thing she saw was Hunter. He was sat on a too-small chair next to her bed, asleep with his head on his hand, the other one resting on her bed. He looked like he hadn't rested properly in days, eyes red-rimmed with deep purple circles under them. She wasn't expecting the heady rush of emotion upon seeing him. Relief, hot and strong, was first. Pain, anger. Love. Confusion.

At Bobbi's hiss of pain, he jolted awake.

"Hey." she rasped out.

The look in his brown eyes almost broke her heart because it was so similar to what she was feeling. Fear and pain melting into a hopeful relief, fragile as a new bud. There was trepidation mixed in too, anger, love. Such a confusing mess of emotions, swirling together to form a beautifully simple happiness at seeing her.

"Hey." he replied, carefully taking her hand and placing a slow kiss on her bruised knuckles.

Bobbi swallowed, her throat dry as sandpaper. Hunter grabbed a glass of water, carefully helping her drink a few sips. She closed her eyes in thanks. "How long was I out?" she managed to ask.

"Two days." Hunter said, and the expression on his face suggested that those had been the two longest days of his life.

Bobbi nodded slowly. "Was it you?"

Immediately understanding what she meant, Hunter answered, "Yeah."

Then his calm mask almost seemed to collapse, breaking down into naked terror and pain. "Bob, when I saw you lying there, I- I thought I'd lost you, and I…" He paused, hands shaking as he continued. "And I didn't apologise, I was so terrified I'd lose you forever without saying goodbye, at least. I was so mad, and _afraid_ , and I'm so, _so_ sorry." he said, his voice breaking on the last word. He pulled himself forward, desperately kissing her hand, her arm.

A single tear slid down Bobbi's cheek, making its way down, over the stitches in her cheek and the pain on her face.

"I…Don't know what to say, Hunter." Her voice was raw, filled with emotion. "When I was lying there, I saw our life together. Flashes. It's the same pattern with us, over and over again. Like a roller-coaster. Every time, we argue over something stupid, and every time, I vow it'll be the last time." She scoffed painfully. "It never is, but we always come back for more."

Hunter nodded, taking a deep, shaking breath.

Bobbi looked over at him. "I didn't mean it, what I said." she told him earnestly, the stitches on her cheek pulling as she frowned.

Gently smoothing out her frown with his thumb, Hunter placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "I know, love. I didn't mean a word of it, either."

She smiled a tiny smile, slowly reaching out her hand and resting it on his cheek. He leaned into it, closing his eyes and exhaling harshly. It was as if her touch woke something up inside him, for he finally, _finally_ let himself cry. All the pent-up emotion he'd been feeling the past two days had culminated upon seeing her again, and it was a _lot_. Too much, almost. He let it course out of him in hot tears, flowing, freeing.

Bobbi lay and took it, embraced it, running her hand over his stubble. She let her own emotions go, another tear slipping out beneath her closed eyelashes.

And she thought. She thought about what she'd said to Hunter, what she'd seen in her imagination when she'd lain bleeding out, dying on hard concrete. It was true, wasn't it? They had good times, they fought, they did it all over again. Each time the same, predictable pattern. Harsh, jarring words said with the intent to hurt, find chinks in armour, get a reaction.

And yet, every time they apologised. They hurt each other over and over, broke each other down, and then built each other back up. Because they loved each other. Through her worst times, Bobbi thought, Hunter had been there. And at her best. They knew each other, so well, which was why they hurt so badly.

Theirs was a story of pain, of suffering, of love. A government spy and an ex army special forces agent, they were never meant to meet or fall in love. And yet they had, inevitably falling toward each other only to be caught, and thrown away again, and held close. Paradoxical, unfathomable, beautiful. It was unlike anything either of them had experienced before, the fierce opposites of their emotions clashing over and over again. Arguments heightened, affection doubled.

So was it worth it?

Bobbi didn't have to think for a second before the answer came to her. It was natural, despite the pain they suffered because of each other. Despite the danger-filled lives they led, it still made sense.

The answer was yes. It had always been yes.

What was his?

The two sat in the quiet room, Bobbi on the hospital bed, Hunter next to her. No sounds disturbed their tranquil bubble, they simply sat, absorbing each other's presence. Both were content to just be there, sure that the other one was alive, alright.

"Marry me?"

Hunter lifted his head slowly, eyes unreadable. “You mean it?”

Bobbi rolled her eyes and scoffed as best she could. “Yeah, I mean it. I wouldn't have asked if I didn’t, would I?” She hesitated, continuing. “But if you think it’s not a good idea to try all that again, then say so.”

For a second Hunter said nothing. Then he shook his head disbelievingly and laughed. Opening his jacket, he took out a ring from an inside pocket. “Yeah. I’ll marry you, love.”

Bobbi stared at the ring. Her ring. Then she looked at Hunter. “We really are 100% compatible, aren’t we?”

He nodded. “50% of the time, of course.”

They moved at the same time, meeting in the middle in a kiss. Hunter slipped the ring onto Bobbi’s finger where it belonged. They both looked at it for a moment.

“So, I was thinking maybe a garden wedding this time?” Hunter suggested.

“Lake.” countered Bobbi.

Hunter raised an eyebrow. “Mountain.”

They carried on making suggestions, each more ridiculous than the last. They weren’t really arguing, both so glad that the other felt the same way. It was beautiful, how they complimented each other. They weren’t perfect, not by a long shot. Both of them had scars, emotional and physical. They had issues. It was alright, they _knew_ they weren’t alright. Because even when they did get married again, they wouldn’t stop fighting.

But this time they knew it wouldn't end like the last. Almost losing each other had made them see things from a different perspective, and neither could risk going through life without the other. So they talked, soaking up the presence of each other, Bobbi’s ring glinting in the harsh light.

They would make this work.


End file.
